"No Dipping, No Crunching, No Throwing Up"

Are these the bizarre rules of a very strict gym? Oh no, these are the rules for a very different type of athlete. That's right - Major League Eating. The most recent event was just two miles down the road at the Harrod Pork Rind Festival. My apologies for the fuzzy pictures. Really, it is not grease from snacking on pork rinds.


Never does the Pork Rind Festival get the due it deserves. I mean, twenty years of pork rinds, made three miles from Harrod (why is it not in that town? I do not know, but it's probably pork politics), and never has it been featured on any Travel Channel show. But this year was different. This year, they had a competitive eating event for pork rinds. And the competition was fierce. Some "ranked eaters" (you heard me) found their way to Harrod to compete to be the first ever Pork Rind Eating Champion.

Unfortunately, one competitor experienced a break-down (apparently of the vehiclular kind, not mental, but who knows, maybe he ate his first pork rind and cancelled). So, Mr. Keating from NYC, the emcee and time waster from MLE (Major Leage Eating), asked the crowd if anyone would like to fill the spot. Oh my, I nearly jumped out of my seat! Suddenly, I wanted to be on stage with the 350 pound man who brought his own cooler and dipping sauce. At this moment, I'm still not sure if it was the fear of making a poor showing or discovering that my secret talent is indeed competitive eating (long suspected).

Below, the judges are being "deputized." I kid you not. They held up their hands and everything. Secretly, I too held up my hand and recited the pledge, so I'm all set.



Pat and I picked our horses, I mean "gurgitators" (not my word, it's from MLE). Pat's pick came in first, mine second, and the walk-on took home an impressive third (good thing I remained in my seat).



Maybe now the lowly Pork Rind Festival will get some respect.

But Wait, There's More...

How many entries will there be on Frankenmuth? As many as it takes.

Not every parking lot has "trash can" labelled in multiple languages. However, at Bronner's, the World's Largest Christmas store, it's a necessity.


Pat's vacation is really working. Do you see college students wearing professional pharmacy coats? That's ok because Pat probably doesn't see moles when she's hitting them with a mallet either.


What was the most overhyped feature that disappointed? The glockenspiel.


However, the Bitter Train would like to make the Pied Piper an honorary Conductor. The glockenspiel's story, though tediously told, was about the Pied Piper, who was misunderstood by the Burgermeister and the people of whatever backwater German town from which they hailed. Apparently they thought the Pied Piper used divinery and witchcraft to lead the rats away, not just his good whistle-blowin'. So when they made their accusations, the PP was filled with "bitterness and rage" (musicians can be so moody). And that's when he stole their children. All except the "crippled and blind" children who couldn't keep up. Let me just tell you that the figures who whirred around on the giant face of the clock representing the crippled and blind children was downright distressing. No wonder the PP didn't want them.

Bitterness and Rage. If I ever questioned my German heritage, that pretty much puts it to rest.

The Guilty Pleasure of Frankenmuth

You've seen the pretzel making, the plarn, and heard about the entertaining company and delicious food (and really, can you split a peanut butter cup four ways? NO!). But what you haven't heard is that there was something very special hidden away in a huge mega-Christmas store.

Not unlike a needle in a haystack, specialty ornaments really run the gamut at Bronner's, the self-proclaimed World's Largest Christmas Store. Sue and I spotted a billboard for Bronner's back in March on I-75...in Florida. At the time, I mocked it. As in, "That's one place we don't need to bother with." Even then it was calling me. I just didn't realize it at the time.



Look at them - sock monkeys!! They're everywhere!!!!

As soon as Sue has time to plarn one up, I'll have a snugli for the little guy.



A sock monkey's home is his castle indeed!


Now, if only those "Wind-up Hopping Lederhosen" fit the sock monkey, it'd be a complete experience.

Oh the Places Plarn Goes!

Perhaps there has already been an entry with the same title, but darn it, plarn keeps going places. Plarn can not be contained!

The whole gang enjoyed a fine time at Bronner's (world's largest Christmas store - you've probably seen the billboards no matter what state you're in). More on Bronner's later.

That's me with Santa. It sort of looked like Mrs. Claus extinguished her cigarettes in Santa's cheeks, but I still love him.


The Artist with one of her plarn creations.


"Give me your tired, your downtrodden, your plarn appreciaters..."


Plarn - durable at the North Pole


Let Freedom Plarn!


Gnomies hang with plarn. Frosty the Plarn Man

The Fourth Wiseman - not well known due to plarn purchase.



Elves know that plarn ascends all gifts! The Nose Knows good Plarn.



The Fourth Wise Man got there eventually...

Please note this American Indian is considerably different from the Cayman Indian. Somehow.