Sunday, January 29, 2012

Some Assembly Required

Alerted to a big sale at Big Lots, I headed there with my gift and discount card in hand. I decided to get a new office chair.

However, when I saw that I needed to assemble it myself, I had serious doubts, despite the assurance of an employee that they were simple. "Yeah, but simple enough for Lynne?" Obviously she doesn't know my skill set is very limited (and I hate the phrase "skill set"). When I opened the box, I had even more doubts.
There were many obstacles to assembly, including curious cats who each needed to inspect the empty box and the many chair pieces. Then there were the dogs who needed to be exactly where I was on the floor for an impromptu wrestling match.

Despite repeatedly saying, "I can't work like this, People!" (wrong audience for one thing), I made progress.
The directions said it could be put together in 30 minutes. Miraculously, I finished it just under an hour.
Look! It's the Executive Office Chair with High Back. And I'm sitting in it right now and it hasn't fallen apart. Not yet anyway.

However, it is only right that we take a moment to acknowledge the chair that The Executive is replacing. It's never had a name. I guess if it did it would be something like "Reuben Kincaid" because I'm pretty sure that this chair is Partridge Family era.
This chair was salvaged from the Admissions Office dumpster twice. Darren retrieved it the first time and gave it a home in his tiny office. Always unreliable, it threw many people out of it if they did much beyond sit quietly in a rigid upright position. No leaning - absolutely not! It tossed Darren over more than a few times, as well as many coworkers, visitors to the university, professors, and the director of Financial Aid (I was there for that one). Then when Darren left Admissions, they were going to throw the chair out (again), but Darren brought it to live on the Gold Coast. It's been here ever since.

So far it's lived longer than all the nine lives of all the cats. I'm not quite sure what to do with it. Maybe it will go into permanent retirement in the upstairs abyss. Or maybe I'll put it outside to see if someone wants to rescue it one more time. Old Reuben may still have some life left in it.

Friday, January 13, 2012

Gold Coast (Social) Living

You've seen the commercials of the couple who take advantage of those daily deals for saving on big fun in their city?  Yes, I've watched them get massages, hang glide, and eat sushi for a bargain.

I looked on some of those sites, and strangely there are no such offers for this immediate area.  It made me wonder what a day of big fun would look like.

A very necessary stop would be the local dive-bar-turned-dive restaurant.  A mere two miles away from Gold Coast Central, it does indeed deliver on some tasty, if not extremely country, fare.  Why just today I noticed their lunch special was ham and beans with a side of corn bread. 

Take that sushi!

While I do not know of a local boutique that sells those bizarelly high wedge heels, I do know of a certain thrift shop where you can try on a faux fur coat.
Did you see that? Less than $8 and I could have taken that puppy (I don't think it was made from real puppy) home - no coupon necessary! The helpful tag even told me to "clean using fur methong." As T and Pat will attest, their first thought was the tongue a la cat grooming.

Who needs aroma therapy and a babbling creek for one's massage when a new massage therapist has converted a room at the middle school-turned community center into their very own lap of luxury? (I sure hope it doesn't still smell like gym socks.)

Perhaps city dwellers like the fact that fate may have them run into some random celebrity who happily breezes about their town.

Recently, there were not one but four said famous "people."
And some people think the weiner mobile is a big deal.

While I can't think of the equivalent of zip lining or parachuting at fifty percent off, I do know that walking out to the kennel in forty mile per hour winds is SUCH a rush. And no charge!

Casino trips can not compare by the bet I have every winter that the snow plow will knock over my mailbox a minimum of three times.

And while there's Cirque de Soleil and the Blue Man Group with their fine talent, how can that be compared to this:
It's all in ther perspective.

Peace out, Dog.
Update: On January 14, my mailbox sustained its first blow. While still standing, it has a dent that prevents the lid from closing. Of course.

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

It's Pat's Birthday!

And here are 50 reasons why we love her:
1.the macaroni and cheese champ of Hardin County…and she’s ready to challenge in adjoining counties.
2. theme years----cereal, sandwiches and this year…bacon!
3. freakish ability to remember details from farm auctions
4. cavernous basement
5. ready supply of cheese peanut butter crackers at her house
6. store bought ice
7. buffalo chicken dip
8. getting stuck behind her dryer
9. lost her cowboy boots in a freak kite accident
10. found two reasons to wear a cape/veil in 2011
11. keeps her house freakishly cold
12. not afraid to hold a big pickle

13. takes her chocolate wheel seriously (even if others don't)
14. got her first Nerts in 2011
15. can be called upon for bail money
16. mortar and pestle fetish
17. unlikely to get stuck under her bed
18. likes to use power tools
19. not always allowed to use power tools
20. often disappointed by free knives

21. stymied by Boggle
22. dedicated Zumbanista
23. likes to tell stories in her head
24. Queen of Chex Mix---bugles are her secret ingredient
25. still has the little paper covers for her knives. What's up with that?
26. runs Casino Parteleno
27. only allowed to wear hats with permission
28. has a secret relationship with Mike Rowe. Guess she likes 'em dirty.
29. knows how to play exotic poker games
30. excellent sock puppet maker

31. secret crafter
32. secret yet talented choreographer of Black Eyed Peas songs
33. can dance the Batman with true skill
34. keeps all tiny soaps and what nots from fancy hotels, later presented as valuable gift baskets
35. can clean a refrigerator better than an old Amish woman (mainly because they lack refrigeration)
36. feels strongly about tobacco products and misuse of prescription medication – not that this is an unusual stance, but perhaps the intensity is
37. knows people who know people in the mafia
38. dreams of herding hummingbirds – what’s not to like about that?
39. effectively uses shop vacs to clean her and others vehicles
40. has finally discovered the proper products to clean her floors
41. is working her way around the Las Vegas strip
42. loves her some tasting menus and flights of wine
43. is a good houseguest – cooks and cleans
44. cleans her house in zones
45. decorates HS Lehr  every New Year's Eve
46. freakishly delicate palate that can detect subtle flavors
47. loyal fan of the Polar Bears
48. when there’s a death in the family, you can count on Pat to show up with paper products and stamps.
49. the first, and only, winner of Halloween Bingo

50. a good and loyal friend