Saturday, June 26, 2010

The Bees Knees

Honey Bees made a home in the foundation of my home. It is not a compliment.

As Sue said, "Everyone wants to live here!"

However, bees and four cats and two dogs don't mix (not to mention the humans).

Thanks to the world wide web, I did some investigating about honey bees in the home. It would seem that experts agree that bees and humans don't live together in the same place very well. That's probably why people aren't trying to live in hives.

One aspect of the article did disturb me though, which was the section helping me to identify the type of bee. Here is what I read:

"Honey bees are characterized by the presence of a long, pointed tongue, social habit, front wings with three closed submarginal cells, and no spurs at the tips of the hind Tibiae (4th segment of the insect's leg)."

Considering the bees were in a swarm, I'm not sure how I was supposed to ask them to "open up and say 'ahh'" to determine their tongue shape or see if there are spurs (whatever THOSE are) on the 4th segment of its leg (what if it was on the third?). And just how does one figure out the social habit of a honey bee? "Hey, drone, come here often?"

Fortunately, when I woke up this morning, there was no more activity near the crevice where they'd been swarming. Maybe word got back to the queen as to the condition of my basement. Or maybe they don't like a western exposure. Either way, they are gone and I'm grateful. Though maybe, just a little, I feel a touch of rejection.

Friday, June 25, 2010

County Fair Special Guest: The Giant Inflatable Colon

This morning as I was reading the paper, I came upon the article that sent me straight upstairs to the bathroom.

No, it was not the call of nature. I had to tell Sue about the article I found. I knocked on the door with great urgency. She was blow drying her hair and I almost scared the poo out of her (if I had, she'd been in the right place).

That's when I told her about the featured guest at the Putnam County Fair: The Giant Inflatable Colon.

Sure, some fairs have the tiki twirl, the world's strongest clown, and chainsaw jugglers. But can they boast of an inflatable colon that people can actually walk through? Why (oh, why) do people have this opportunity? It's a part of the campaign to "Wipe Out Colorectal Cancer." While this most certainly is an important issue that is not very funny, it would win a contest of "Most Unfortunate Use of a Word in a Slogan."

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Homemade Everything

This morning, I threw in a load of laundry. I used homemade laundry soap.

Then, I washed dishes. I used homemade dish detergent.

Frightfully overdue, I got around to brushing my teeth. Yes, with homemade toothpaste.

Soon (but not soon enough), I'll shower and use no shampoo (just baking soda and vinegar), followed by - you got it - homemade deodorant (which works great).

Something tells me I've gone over the edge. I would like to point out that is not me in the photograph. But, I'll be that is a homemade cigarette.

(for a snack, I'll have homegrown raspberries!)

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Sights that Compete for the Gold Coast's Attention

"Look Ma - no hands!"
Poor Handless Jacque, from Mansfield, Ohio. He looks so willing to bring you your hamburger and fry basket, but alas...

"Check that Sock Monkey's Id."
Frankly, I find it disappointing that such a beloved childhood friend would drink Pabst. I really had him pegged for Molson or Leinenkugel.

Sunday, June 20, 2010


Who remembers the Blake Edwards theme to the Pink Panther? I watched the Saturday morning cartoons just so I could hear it. The made up words were "Dead ant. Dead ant. Dead ant dead ant dead ant..." etc.

And so it is ant season on the Gold Coast. Normally, the pests show up for about a week each spring. This year, it's been more like a month.

A long, annoying, icky month.

I went to the Hardware Store. The EXPERT there recommended a product - Terro. He said he'd used it himself. Little drops on cardboard are set around the frequented areas and the ants show up. With friends. It's a regular swarm as the ant party feasts on the poison. I was both grossed out and fascinated.

The next day, there were a few meanderers. But, as promised, there are none today! HA!

My favorite part of the product, however, is the labelling. It promises to kill the following kinds of ants: "Argentine ants, ghost ants, cornfield ants, pavement ants, acrobat ants, white footed ants, little black ants, odorous house ants, crazy ants, big headed ants, and other sweet eating ants.

Seriously, did you know there were even that many different types of ants? What about Peruvian ants? Juggling ants? Tiny armed ants?

I swear the people writing that label just started making them up.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

I have a dream

Martin Luther King had a dream. He made a speech about it. It inspired millions and still does. My dreams aren't so much inspirational as they are disturbing. Last night I had a dream that the world was coming to an end. It wasn't too apocolyptic, but I think that I stopped paying some of my bills.
What saved the world? Barney Rubble. He and Jesus won a bowling tournament and as a result the world was saved. I don't know if they were bowling against the devil or not, but Barney and Jesus won.
We like to think that life is very complicated, but really it just boils down to a couple of bowling and Barney.

Friday, June 11, 2010

Pork Rind Festival 2010

One of my favorite events that kicks off the summer is the Harrod Pork Rind Festival. It's not because it's super fun (because it's not), but because it's a festival dedicated to something as peculiar as the deep fried skin of a pig. There's also the benefit of it being just down the road. In fact, I was just outside and I could hear the music here.

What music? You might ask. Well let me tell you. When I was there, there was a man singing gospel music. To pre-recorded music. Yes, it was gospel karaoke. I've never seen it before and it was pretty exciting.

I could have left right then and been happy. And, in fact, I left shortly after that, because it takes only about ten minutes to see each and every booth lined up. Since I (along with Pat and Todd) was there after a major thunderstorm (complete with a tornado warning and siren going off!), there were even fewer people and fewer booths.

Yet, it was sad not to experience some of the promised features. This was the first year for "Art that Oinks." Area high school students could enter art of a pig theme (see photo). The paper also featured a scupture of a pig statue of liberty holding a plate of pork rinds. If it wasn't titled "Statue of Pig-erty" it was a missed opportunity. The rain also kept the Cake Wheel from turning. We saw the wheel, we saw some cakes. But not cake wheel action.

The one place I wanted to eat of all the roach coach vendors was the very non-roachy bbq grill. Alas, the rain had kept this man from getting the grill going, so I'd have to wait a half hour for it. None of us could last that long.

Skipping the chili-cook-off (there looked to be only three entrants, another casualty of the storm), we were back in Pat's car and bound for the Dairy Barn. It was Fudge Friday after all, so I was really excited. I wished the high school girl a Happy Fudge Friday but she seemed unimpressed. All she wanted to know was what I wanted to eat. Hardly festive. Pat got the walking taco, which is my favorite in name and also is very tasty. Being in a bbq mood, I got the pork bbq and Todd got the coney dog. Yes, summer is here.

Then, it was on for the observance of Fudge Friday. Todd and I both got the fudge brownie sundae delight (he bought - thanks Todd!). Frankly, I find sundaes to be a bit showy what with their whipped cream peaks and fancy cherry on top. I'm really only interested in the ice cream and sauce is mostly unnecessary (unless it's Dietsch's peanut butter sauce which is AMAZING). Sadly, the brownie of the brownie delight was the meager Little Debbie variety. Lots of sugar, not a lot of flavor.

Overall, it was a perfectly adequate Pork Rind Day - look at everything, but purchase food elsewhere. Yet, there's still tomorrow, when I may run the Pork Rind 5k (if there isn't another thunderstorm). I hope there's a shirt involved. One can't help but wonder if it will be a sleeveless wife-beater type.


Saturday, June 5, 2010

Those Shower Optional Days

There shouldn't be too many of these in the summer. However, some times the day just slips away and you haven't noticed. What I (Lynne) find alarming is my willingness to actually appear in public this way. My base standard is having my teeth brushed and tossing a little cold water on my face.

First, it was ok to see kennel clients with no make-up. Then it crept into other areas. The scratch and dent grocery store, the regular grocery store. The drive-thru window of the bank.

Then I noticed how few people actually do wear much make-up around these parts. It's startling.

But showering, certainly this is counter social mores to skip them, right? As long as I'm not offensive, I'm heading out the door...

Wednesday, June 2, 2010

You Just Never Know...

Sure, waiting is a good thing. Not highly valued in our culture, but still it is a good thing.

Sometimes there's no good reason to wait.

That's why Liz got a cool pink kayak for her "big number" birthday, even though it's years away (we won't say how many). You never know if the price of kayaks may some time skyrocket. You never know how someone's health might be. . You never know how your finances are going to be. You never know where friends may disperse over the years. That's why when you see a good deal on a Barbie-pink kayak and you know someone who would love a kayak, you seize the day and buy it.

Friends let other friends kayak.