Wildlife Gives me the Jealousy

First it was the disturbing robins and their "amour." And now the mallard duck are back and it seems a male has been chosen a victor by the female. I'm pretty sure I saw a consummation of their love just this morning. Or, they really like to dunk each other.

They seem determined to stay. I don't want them to, and if you squint, you might see Tilly back there trying to chase them away as well.

But if they are trying to take up residence here on the Gold Coast, they should at least have names. Take the poll now!

How Will My Garden Grow?

Some people have families, others careers.

I got a little carried away at the garden center this year. I planted a garden of 20 tomato plants, 20 heads of lettuce, 12 pepper plants and a variety of herbs - basil, cilantro, dill, parsley, and lovage (I think, it may actually be another kind of parsley as I lost the tag).

Getting all of those plants in the ground was one thing, complete with a little surprise that hopped out of one of the plastic containers of dill (honestly, how did he fit in there). Then there was the mulching of straw, causing my allergies to go ballistic. But for the rest of the summer - or 60-75 days till ripe - I'll be watering when weather conditions demand it. Thankfully, the pond is an easy and close source - algae is good for plants, right?

That's what I'm doing this summer. Watering, watering, watering. Stay tuned!

Happy Arfday

Yes, it's Lucy's birthday. She's 11! Can you believe it? She can't, but maybe that's due to people lying to her for years about how old she actually is. Then there's the whole conversion table of dog to people years.

How was Lucy's day? She got an extra big breakfast, then she and Tilly played like crazy. In fact, she didn't get yelled out immediately for her humping behavior. Hey, it's her birthday! Then, a long walk, followed by snacks of carrots (has to keep her girlish figure), and a big nap.

It's a dog's life.

Oh, The Places Plarn Goes!

Those of you who are aware of plarn and its mysteries from Sue's blog, know that plarn really gets around. It was a prominent feature during a brief foray to Cave City, Kentucky.

In fact, my first and only (as of now) plarn bag was born on the way to Cave City. One might even say it is a Mammoth Plarn Bag (MPB). It was destined for Big Things.

To date, MPB has gone to Emerald Isle, North Carolina, San Francisco, Los Angeles, and St. Pete Beach, Florida (twice). Most recently, it was saving endangered sea turtles and hanging out with the Colonel and a pirate in Grand Cayman. Then, Teddy Roosevelt said, "Bully for Plarn!" while the Sculpture Gardens of Washington D.C. also enjoyed a special accessory.

Soon, MPB will make a sojourn to Frankenmuth, Michigan. Yes, that was a shriek of delight you heard. Glockenspiels here we come!

A New Conductor for the Bitter Train

Sue and I kid alot about being bitter. Ok, so sometimes we're not kidding. But seriously, it's always a surprise when I bump into someone who has been festering, just waiting for such an opportunity to unload years of bitterness.

Recently, my alumni journal did a small feature article about my book. There have been a smattering of email responses to order the book. Then there are those who just plain came out of the woodwork.

For instance, one guy remembered me fondly but didn't know if I remembered him. He said he still has a picture of me in fuzzy tiger slippers (not the type of photo that would keep me from pageantry greatness, just an unusual choice of footwear for the dorms). I wrote back that I did remember him but not the slippers. This is true. However, I'm sure I liked the slippers more.

This is why real authors have publicists. Soon Sue will be doing double duty of both yenta and publicist. Make that fake publicist.

The kicker was an email from a former roommate who managed to ostracize herself by feeding a huge drama with her own bizarre behavior. She had a nice enough opening paragraph but then went on to wonder why myself and others "just stopped liking her." She also invited me to be her friend again if I now thought differently than I did then. Huh?

Nothing like offering an olive branch, then whapping me over the head with it.

Heerre's Riley!

By popular demand, here's a photo of Riley.

Look--he even brought his own blankie for his stay in the kennel.

He actually looks more like a deer than a cat, but he still acts sort of cat-like.

Many of you have probably heard the story about my brother and me discussing the voices our dogs would have if they could talk. Winky as Floyd the Barber was our favorite. Anyway, if asked, "What over exposed celebrity does Riley look like?" The winning answer (from Trina) is Nicole Richie. Compare the photos and see what you think.

I wonder if she has a blankie.

Guess Who's In Charge?

Lynne, the Queen of the Roadtrip, and Liz ("I don't care who drives, just get me out of Hardin County") are inching ever closer to Georgetown and a rendezvous with Liz's daughter who just finished her first year at Georgetown. (We're all so proud...like we had anything to do with it.)

So, with those two out of town, that means I'm in charge. Pat is second in command. Sort of like being first runner up.

Now that I've thought about that, I'm a little nervous. Pat does have access to lots of drugs...hmm.

I've spent part of the afternoon surveying my fiefdom. Yes, I am the master of all I survey...which includes four cats and three dogs (Yes, we're up one from last time. Which also reminds me that the last time I housesat for Lynne she came home with another dog. Maybe I should have explicitly told her no more pets, but that seems obvious, right? We must be nearing the fire limit as it is.) And that's just in the house.

The kennel has two cats. One who really is a cat and the other is Riley, Liz's dog, who thinks he's a cat.

In other news, I went to the Hair Garage today. I have some sort of Tammy Wynette thing happening to the back of my hair. However, since she sings (sung? I think she's dead) my theme song "D-I-V-O-R-C-E", it does seem fitting. Maybe I'll wrap my head in toilet paper in order to preserve the look for another day.

Yes, it's good to be in charge.

But no Lenny and Squiggy

Lynne and I have been through many adventures which might test the friendship of lesser persons---refrigerator cleaning, pig catching, the disturbing incident with the disposable thong when we were getting mud massages---undaunted we've decided to really push the limits of patience and tolerance. Yes, we're moving in together. Initially just for the summer, but if it goes well (and how could it not?) then for the rest of the academic year as well. So, it seems fitting to feature a picture of our roommie role models, Laverne and Shirley. Guess who's who?

Stay tuned for further adventures. Schlameel, Schlamazel.

Happy Belated Birthday...

...to me! What good is having a blog if you can't draw attention to oneself? In fact, what blog isn't about featuring one's self, even if it's one's views? It's author-centric.

But back to me and my birthday. It was in April, and this isn't an appeal for gifts, but an opportunity to show off how cool my friends are and their superior gift giving abilities. There may be some missing, but that's probably because I ate them. Hopefully, it was food. Oh, and "Teach Your Cat to Read" is from Christmas, but had to be included here.

Enjoy! I know I am.