Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Who Keeps the Crockpot?

Perhaps some of you are wondering how I (Lynne) am faring with Sue's marriage and subsequent moving out. Well, into every life of bitterness, a little happiness must fall, and I'm so darn happy for her, I can hardly stand it. I mean eventually Shirley and Carmine Ragusa got together. Laverne wasn't left wandering the earth with Lenny and his (L)One Wolf jacket not unlike the Hulk (different tv show, same generation).

If anything, much can be said for "ending on a win." It was a successful roommate venture. Dooley the cat, however, may be bitter. It's really hard to tell from that expression on his face.

Liz bought me my very own crockpot, so no fighting over that. Splitting up the Sam's Club giant box of toilet paper, though, is just a little weird to pack up and move. Yet, I plan to leave it on her doorstep if she's not answering the door (she IS married, you know). And, if it's not raining. Maybe I should TP the little tree in her front yard, just as a kind of celebration.

Yet, Sue will miss living out here on the Gold Coast. Who wouldn't miss Tilly and Foster playing "the Barking Game" at 6:30 a.m.? Being woken at 4 a.m. to Olive's hairballs (pre and post)? And the basement. I KNOW she's going to miss the basement.

I will miss Sue. I mean, I never knew someone could drink that much tea (see above for tp quantity purchases). And she did the dishes so I didn't have to. Then there's the cool white bowls she used (that I'm still using - I'm hoping she'll forget them).

Most importantly, who's going to help me eat all those tomatoes in the garden?! The dogs? NO! Olive? NO (but maybe a solution to the hairball problem).

Perhaps I will just have to take some to her house for her and her new hubby to enjoy. After all, sharing, whether NEAR or FAR (see Grover), is what makes life more fun. And less bitter.

Thursday, August 19, 2010

A Toast ...

To a day without bitterness. And many more to follow. [I know those aren't complete sentences. Get off my back.]

That's my freckly hand in the foreground. Can you see the wedding ring? Yep. Got married. See the guy in the black robe? That's the judge. He did the marryin'.

It was perfect. I don't know how those "Say Yes To The Dress People" get through wedding planning. It was making me crazy. Besides, it was really fun to get people's reactions when we told them we were married.

Here are some of the highlights of the whole process:

Picking out my wedding dress from a street vendor when I went to the Celtic Fest with Lynne.
Who needs a fancy dressing room when there's a cubicle made out of blankets?

I haven't been to the probate court for about three years but when we went in to get the license, the clerk recognized me and a few minutes later the judge came out to congratulate us. He offered to do the honors right there. It was tempting, but then I was afraid that Lynne wouldn't make the almond cake, so we declined.

The other highlight of the trip to the probate court was raising our right hands and swearing that we "weren't intoxicated, did not have a communicable form of syphyllis and were not more closely related than second cousins". Fortunately, we passed.

On the appointed day (last Saturday) Lynne and Shane arrived. Lynne brought cake. Then the judge (not the probate judge, but Ada's own Judge Grimslid who lives around the corner) arrived wearing a baseball cap (due to rain). He took off the cap and put on his robe and the event began.

For some reason, the judge had written my son's name on the vow's instead of my fiance's. It was a little freaky to hear "Do you Shane take Sue..." finally the judge stopped the proceedings, got a pen and corrected the vows.

And now it's official!

We're at "Marriage: Day Five".

And we're very happy.

Thursday, August 12, 2010

If THAT is in My Pond, Then Why do I Swim in it?

While not an adequately scary picture, that's one HUGE catfish. For perspective, those little white things around it are oyster crackers. Yeah. Now you're scared. There's also gnarly bumps on its head, not unlike a shark. Maybe more like a manatee, but they aren't scary.

Why are there oyster crackers in my pond? After all, they aren't made of oysters. In addition to the oldest, biggest catfish in the world, there are three very large grass carp. Since it's been such a dry summer and they've eaten every last pond weed, they've started on my water lillies. Now that's a problem. SO I've fed them crackers and thrown random weeds in the pond for them to eat.

Perhaps the greater question is why would I want to swim in a pond with soggy crackers, dead weeds AND huge fish.

Monday, August 9, 2010

Sometimes I'm a Pinhead

Last week, I sat outside on the porch for dinner. The weather was perfect and my plate was filled with baked green tomatoes and I had a glass of wine in hand. After a few bites, an annoying mechanical noise filled my ears.

At first, I wondered if it might be a passing city vehicle with its alarm going off (not that I'm near a city, but that's what it sounded like). Perhaps one of the cats had been abducted by aliens who reprogrammed its meow. Or, maybe the neighbors had an ATM in their driveway.

Yes, it really sounded like an ATM. I got up to look at the neighbors' driveways when I passed by my back patio door. The noise was louder.

It was coming from inside.

It was my oven.

The timer had gone off and apparently there's a button for turning off the timer instead of it just stopping like normal timers. To be fair, it's a new oven, and when my tomatoes were done, I just took them out, figuring the timer would take care of itself. Fifteen minutes later, the timer was still going off. Yes, it took me fifteen minutes to figure out that the neighbors did not get an ATM.

Sure, that's embarrassing, but there's more.

This past Saturday night, I went to a local grocery store to pick up a few things. A rather cute guy was in the store and I saw him a few times as I shopped, but figured he was way too young for me.

He ends up behind me in the checkout lane. As I put my meager items on the conveyor belt, I wondered what he might be thinking of them. What does one think of a single woman on a Saturday night buying yogurt, one orange, one onion and 12 cans of cat food (they were on sale!)? Uh-huh.

Then some guys got behind him and they seemed to know each other and were yucking it up and joking. I turned to smile at their jokes. THEY were buying two twelve packs of Leinenkugel. My favorite beer. And then there's me, single-Saturday-night-12-cans-of-cat-food-buyer.

I paid for my groceries and went to the parking lot. Since my little black pick up truck had not been driven for a while, I got in it. I started it up, resulting in the usual puff of blue smoke. I looked over my shoulder to make sure I didn't run anyone over. I noticed the cute guy. In the puff of blue smoke.

He walked around the back of the truck and then by me, in the driver's seat. I waved politely. He waved back.

Then he got in his shiny black Hummer. (not code)

And, just for documentation purposes of further pin-headedness, a week and a half ago, I went through McDonald's drive-through. The conversation went something (or maybe exactly) like this:

"Welcome to McDonald's may I take your order?"

"Yes, I'd like a small medium coffee with-"



"Ma'am, you keep saying 'small medium.' Which do you want?"

Obviously, what I needed was a HUGE coffee.

Monday, August 2, 2010

The Big Reveal - Gold Coast Gothic

Remember Trina's project for the 4th on the 5th party? There was a promise for full pictures. Finally, you can see it. Here's before - a blank slate that Liz helped put together:

Ta Da!!! Insert head here! Photo opps abound!

Now people really will vacation along the Gold Coast! Trina's title for it is: "I Want YOU to have a Burger."