Tuesday, March 2, 2010

It's Un-CAN-ny

Yesterday I drove home from Florida. Due to middle of the night puking by one of the dogs, I was up and out the door early - 4:30 a.m. to be exact.

Four hours into the trip, I took my first break. I gassed up the car, let the dogs stretch their legs and then I headed into the gas station restroom (I put the dogs back, by the way). Sue and Julie have both told me that McDonald's is THE place to pee. However, this would throw off my somewhat distressing need to make really good time while driving, so I was all about efficiency. Turns out that efficiency and cleanliness do not always go hand in hand.

The first stop was at a BP. I thought that was a safe bet, as opposed to the Race Trac or other stations that cater to the truckers. Not that I have anything against the truckers, but the bathrooms seem to have too many disturbing vending machines in them.

As I pulled into the station (southern Georgia), I noticed this particular one doubled as a mechanic and had two compartments for the cars. Wow, hadn't seen that for some time. I knew it must be an older station, but remained optimistic for a clean toilet. That was the minimum standard and it was, happily, met. However, there was a rather alarming gap between the stall and any other ladies who were foolish enough to enter this station's restroom would be able to see me in all my, um, "glory." As I washed my hands (soap - bonus!), I turned to see a vending machine from which patrons could choose from a booklet that promised new and exciting "positions" (I don't think they were political ones) or a "pleasure ring" that - get this - glowed in the dark. I wanted to run screaming from the station, but I was concerned I might return with change. C'mon glow in the dark! I just had to see it.

Stop number two (the second one, not where I planned to do number two)was in northern Georgia, also a BP. This restroom was ok except the option to dry my hands was one of those giant cloth things that you pulled around to get a dry patch. However, it was all used up and was behind this weird barrier that warned not to use the towel if it was behind it. I touched it to see if it might explode or something but it didn't. It just hung there. Anyway, there was also the vending machine in this one. It featured the "Value pack" which had an assortment of "goodies." As Sue just said, it was not a first aid kit and it was not a sewing kit and shower cap. Well, maybe by another definition...

If you are wondering why I am not being more specific, it is because I don't weird ads popping up on the blog.

So could I make it three for three? Yes, I could! This time, I went to a Shell station (mid-Kentucky)and the restroom was - wait for it - male and female! And yes, when I went in, the seat was up. Sigh. There was also this weird lighting that looked like it may have been used in a Quentin Tarantino movie. I found myself looking for Uma Thurman to come out dressed like a ninja.

As Sue said, I am just no good at picking out public restrooms. It just isn't my thing.

But driving is! I made it home in 16 hours. I know no one cares but me, but still - 16 hours - woohoo!

1 comment:

  1. this is like the nightmare dreams i have about finding a clean bathroom stall. i am flinching just thinking of squatting in those restrooms.

    here's a funny Julie fear. sometimes when i go in a male/female stall if the seat is still up I just squat and don't touch it - then i leave the stall praying no one is behind me that will think i am a man dressed as a woman. yes, i fear this. still i do not touchee the seatee.