The Big Big Lots Adventure

Today I became a member of the Big Lots Buzz Club. It does not involve a secret handshake, but eventually I'll get 20% off something.

Trina, the apparent winner of the essay contest allowing her to experience the Gold Coast of Hardin County firsthand, needed a few supplies for her last day of rest and relaxation. As we set out this morning, the plan was to get Diet Coke and puzzle books, then to stop by our favorite scratch and dent grocery store.

Instead, we spent entirely too much money at the brand spankin' new Big Lots nearby. It seems I bought something from every department: housewares - a new toilet seat cover (as the one I had spontaneously lost elasticity, not unlike my very own waistline); grocery - dijon mustard at a bargain price; beauty - cocoa butter, face masks and new weird hair clamps (my hair now looks like something from a Dr. Seuss book); pets - two lambswool dog toys - there's a whole lot of squeakin' goin' on. Then there was the Mr. Clean Collector's edition of cleaning products. I suppose this means I must use them...

However, the highlight was Literature. Or maybe it should just be "books." I found the autobiography of the real Marcia Brady. It has rocketed to the top of the book pile for next read. She's the big sister I never had, not destroying my self-esteem with her perfection and boy-magnetism.

Trina found THE BEST BOOK EVER: "Bitter with Baggage Seeks Same: The Life and Times of Some Chickens." It has everything!! Bitterness! Chickens! And Dioramas!!! My fingers are trembling as I write...how could something so all encompassing be only $5?!

Yet that is the beauty of the blogosphere - you now know too. You are no longer deprived.

This has been a public service message from the Bitter Train.